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On intimacy.

Scintillating Speck

Intimacy.  Such an alluring, sometimes terrifying, word.

What is intimacy?  Why does it feel like my task is to understand what this means as thoroughly as possible?  I’m sure I could find all sorts of definitions of intimacy with the mere tap-tap of my fingers.  I’m resisting that impulse, and turning within instead.

Events are pushing me, hard, insistently, to examine the nature of intimacy, the nature of my relationships.  I am fumbling towards making sense of it.  It’s all bound up with the rest of my current internal landscape rearrangement.

There are walls between us, inevitable walls.  There are the walls of culture, the walls of social expectation.  We are wounded and crouching, suffering from various degrees of post-traumatic stress disorder, if you wish to apply a possibly useful “diagnosis”; if we could let go of the everyday habit of dissociation and numbing, we would be left gasping at…

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Weekend planning

A typical effort in weekend planning includes lots of time planning for food and meals, like most people.  I’m a very social person, I like going out, I like having my kids participate in fun local events as well, and see friends at places and cookouts.  


Today there are three options for activities that potentially involve food we can’t eat.  I can pack my own food and bring it to two of these, and limit my kids yet again to not eating anything other people bring (which also limits my budget a bit,) but one of the activities is food related and we might not be able to participate at all.  I’ve decided that instead of going and asking lots of questions and wasting everyone’s time again, I will simply not attend this event, but write to them instead and see if there might be any non GMO options currently, or if they would consider it for the future.  

COOKIE DECORATING (free) and PIZZA MAKING ($10) at the local and very awesome Atkins Food Market in South Amherst…

This is the draft of a note I’m about to send them: “


I love Atkins Market and would love to bring my children there for Children’s Day. I regret to share that I likely will not be doing this today, due to my desire to avoid in my diet and the necesity of avoiding them in mine. I have Crohn’s Disease and it seems to be either very negatively affected by or possibly partially or even fully caused by some, many or maybe even all GMO ingredients. I also like to avoid artificial coloring for my kids, MSG and HFCS in general. It has been very hard to enjoy mainstream activities like this for me, I usually either end up asking lots of questions and not getting clear answers, or I cave and let my kids eat stuff that might be harming them.

I’m pretty sure the cookies you will be serving will have some of the ingredients in them. Artificial food coloring makes a lot of kids hyper or even extremely ADHD. My own kids seem to have these sorts of reactions to foods that contain these ingredients. And, because they have a genetic connection to me, and some of my kids are already showing signs of intestinal issues, I intend to keep GMOs and these other ingredients out of their diet as much as I possibly can.

So I’m writing to ask for information – when another family / children’s day comes up – I’m wondering if I might be able to bring my kids and give them GMO free / chemical free options for things like cookie and pizza decorating? If that is not currently an option there, is it an option you would consider?

My younger kids are 4 and 6, and I would love to participate in local activities like this with them and also keep them healthy in the way that I have been intending to. Also, as their mom, it would be nice if I could try to sample a bit of the food they are creating, and not have to avoid it completely.

I would call and ask these questions, but I’ve already spent hours in the last couple weeks asking questions about food when eating out or at activities and events, and it’s become both exhausting and depressing. I have yet to find a fun food option for kids that is 100% GMO free, and I don’t wish to put my kids through listening to me have yet another one of these conversations.

Thank you very much!”

– I think it could be shorter and perhaps a little more friendly.  Or even a bit more clear in WHAT GMOs are and how hard it is to avoid them.  I also think that there are likely GMOs used IN food coloring.  Any tips for how to write letters like this – I’d welcome! Thanks!

The other two events are :  A Taste of the Caribbean Jerk Festival in Hartford, CT and a much more local Cookout that is benefitting the NAACP.  If I head to the Festival, I will bring my own food and ask questions about what they are serving, I will definitely want to try the food there if I can!  It’s definitely on the “con” list of going, though, as usual.

None the less, I intend to have an awesome and amazing day, even if it entails not socializing too much.  I had a few plantains last night at a fundraiser that were cooked in canola oil.  Met with my gastroenterologist Thursday and he increased the amount of meds I should be taking.   I don’t want to be aggravating a condition and treating it at the same time, but I wish I knew 100% what was causing this.  I used to think it was mostly corn and soy but now have to wonder about the canola too… I will see, and make my best educated guess, as usual!

 – Have an AWESOME Saturday!  – L


PS – 

Also wrote to Silver Diner in VA – well at least on their FB page –

” I ate at the Silver Diner in VA and there was nothing on the menu I could eat that was GMO free except for a salad (without the dressing.)  The advertisement of “local” and “natural” led a family member of mine to believe I could likely eat there.  I have a strong sensitivity to most GMO foods and oils.  I also have crohn’s disease, so the symptoms / reactions are extreme and the health stakes are high for me.   Apparently only GMO soy oil is used to cook EVERYTHING, including the fresh local organic veggies.  There was not even an option like “can you please use olive oil to cook them instead”.  This was somewhat amazing to me.  Even the salad I got – had some meat / cheese in it – the animals were “grassfed” (but also – GMO corn grain finished…).  There have been signs of GMO organisms in humans after eating meat or dairy made from animals who have eaten GM grain as well.  I don’t know how cautious I need to be, but I need to be as cautious as possible.  I had brought my own dressing and was able to eat the salad, but I had REALLY wanted the trout!  (I think it was walnut encrusted).  I’m writing to ask if you would consider offering olive oil as an option to cook things in – instead of GMO soy oil (“vegetable oil”).  I would be willing to pay a little extra for this option as well, but a reasonable amount, likely .25-.50 cents more.  Thanks for letting me know!  “

Crohn’s and GMO connection High for Me, today…


I am a mom, teacher and part time activist, I suppose!  I have something calle Crohn’s disease, which is a serious digestive disorder.  I’ve been experimenting with diet changes and seeing how this affects my disease.  I’ve been cutting out GMOs from my diet with very positive results.

Yesterday, I was so tempted by the hot bar at Whole Foods market that I had to ask if the canola oil used in almost every option they had was GMO or not.  It took about 15 minutes and very nice people tried to help me.  I have had this hope that perhaps I am *only* sensitive to corn and soy GMOs, that perhaps my body can deal with cottonseed oil and canola oil when it is GMO.  I got some information, and decided to do an experiment on myself.  I had a small amount of 3 chicken options with the rice, in addition to a kale smoothie and some raw salad options.  Each of the chicken items was a) delicious and b) containing some sauce with canola oil added.  I would estimate I maybe took equivalent to less than 1/6 pound of these 3 options.  I felt fine afterwards.  This was around 1 pm yesterday.

Today it’s 11:30 and I just discovered that my crohn’s symptoms are worse than they have been in many months.  This is very disconcerting.  There is no way for me to know if this is the cause or not.  But, I have been trying to keep a log, and a few weeks ago when I ate something deep fried in (likely GMO) soy oil, I also had a spike in symptoms.

I don’t understand how I could have such a similar reaction to so many different ingredients, when the only common factor is that they are GMO.  Perhaps my body prefers food DNA it was used to and is getting more reactive to these new DNA strands that it likely never recognized 20 years ago and it slowly has been trying to reject or show me not to eat them somehow.

My gastroenterologist believed that I would be on meds daily and need surgery.  That was 8-10 years ago.  I went into a 3 year remission of Crohn’s disease when I greatly reduced my GMO intake.  I was never 100% purist for a whole year or even for a whole month.  Perhaps less.  But I believe I reduced my intake by around 90%.  I started to think maybe I was not SO sensitive to these ingredients, life got busy and hectic, with 4 kids and so many activities preparing food at home ALL the time became a bigger challenge.  Ironically as I became a bit more activist on asking the government to label GMOs on our foods, I had a relapse into Crohn’s.  Around the time I hosted a showing of Genetic Roulette, I was also dealing with the fallout of having to return to meds and gastroenterology appointments.  When I described my efforts to my gastroenterologist, he said “well if that worked before, then don’t eat them.  What’s a GMO?”  I have yet to share more information with him, but I have an appointment tomorrow and hope I can gather enough information to share with him.


I feel somewhat lucky that I can have a little something out at a family gathering or school event without having a huge reaction that is immediately life threatening.  But if you learn about crohns, you will know that it is unhealthy for the body, saps one’s energy, can be partially or fully disabling at times, and might mean one or many surgeries in one’s lifetime.  It does not generally cause death immediately, but it interacts with many other issues and affects one’s nutritional absorption very negatively.

So from March or April ish to now, the last day of July, I’ve been slowly, sort of, getting “better,” with some dips into worse symptoms.  Every single time I have had a symptom get worse, it has been after I have “cheated” and ate something out of the house that might have a high quantity of GMOs.  

It seems, so far, that meat and dairy do not affect me the way they affect other people, though some say that the GMO DNA does get transfered to the human digestive tract when eating an animal product from an animal that has consumed GMO grain.  Most livestock grain has GMO corn and maybe soy in it, too. Organic is the only way to make sure it doesn’t.  People say “grassfed” or “free range” but many grassfed cows eat grain a lot for the last month of their life.  And chickens are free range and also given GMO grain. 

I would like a country that is willing to tell us the truth about the GMOs in our food.  For one, I would have an easier time isolating the specific ones that affect me. I believe I have an allergy or at least sensitivity to many or most or maybe all GMOs.  Yet, I do not have the right to know what is in the food around me.  Many say “just eat at home,” … Well, I enjoy being part of a community, I am very social and I love eating out.  My budget is small for this, but I mostly mean gatherings, parties, social events with free or affordable food or potlucks.   And small cheap purchases here and there which make our day go more smoothly.  It has gotten very challenging lately.  I travel with coolers in the car most of the time with our own drinks and food to eat.  But it is still hard, and many restaurants of course do not allow you to bring your own stuff in.  Many places have *nothing* I can eat, or perhaps a salad but without the dressing.  I have brought my own dressing out to an extended family vacation meal out, my own ketchup / mustard,  soda, chips, salsa and guacamole to a cookout recently.  I’m learning how to do this but it’s not easy.  I’m thankful that we have enough to eat, we are very lucky in this way.  

I have four children.  Two of them have at times shown signs of digestive issues.  I am worried that my genetic connection predisposes them to getting crohns, and even more worried that I have allowed too many GMOs to get into their diets at too young of an age.  Their digestive systems are still developing and we have no way of knowing the effects of GMOs on their little growing bodies in the next 10-20-30 years. GMOs have been around in the market in the US around 20 years, and studied, but mostly by the industries that are selling them and profiting from them.  Many studies claim they are “safe” but many claim they cause problems.  We know that they cause stomach inflammation in cows and when cows eat too much their stomachs have even exploded and they have died.  This is one case, and one type of GMO (BT Corn).  I think I have a right to know what’s in my food and to avoid it.  

If this could cause something like cancer in my kids at a young age, I think it’s more than a mild “right.”  I think it’s an urgent need that we have the right to determine what is in the food we are purchasing and eating.  It also just seems a basic right, for the sake of truth in labeling, period.

I am underemployed at the moment, largely due to a car accident and injuries I’m still recovering from a while back, but also due to the recent economy.  My kids are on school lunch and I’ve allowed them to eat school lunch last year. This year I am planning to approach the schools and ask if there are GMO free options for lunch.  And request that they be made available to my kids.  I am also going to approach them with a plan for a GMO free school lunch for the whole district for the next school year, 2014-15.  Schools in Sacramento, NYC and more have already gone GMO free.

There is more to say, but this is long enough!  I wanted to share that I do exist, this one person, who seems to be more than “allergic” to GMOs.  It actually may be responsible for causing, or contributing to cause, a serious disease in me which could lead to surgery, temporary disability, lack of health, nutritional absorption and energy levels to keep up with my kids, job and life.  I’m grateful that I feel pretty good other than the symptoms right now, but I had a whole year in my past that the struggles were much greater, and that year started with symptoms like this that I’m having now.  I am not choosing to share the symptoms of Crohn’s disease here, you are free to look that up and learn about that if you wish.  It’s not a fun or easy thing to read about or think about, but many people live with it.  IBD’s (Inflammatory Bowel Disease) in the US has doubled in the last 20 years.  These stats are more than staggering to me, given than GMOs have been around about the same time.  I’m not assuming a complete connection, but my basic gut feeling and belief at the time is that there is one.

Thanks for reading.  I hope to help people understand why there is such an urgent need for GMO labeling.  And am open to any questions, though my life is quite busy and I do not have as much time online as I would need to be very responsive if there is a lot of traffic here someday!

Trader Joes has helped me a lot.  They seem to be the only major store that has a GMO free policy.  Thanks to Trader Joes!


You CAN get involved!